The Burden of “The Decision”

There’s a heaviness that settles in when you realize you need to assess your pet’s quality of life and ‘The Decision’ is approaching.

For so many of us, the hope is for a lightning bolt moment—a clear sign that tells us, without question, it’s time to say goodbye. But more often than not, it isn’t sudden or obvious.

Instead, it’s a slow fade: your dog stops meeting you at the door; their favorite toy gathers dust; walks become shorter until one day they just want to rest.

If you’re searching for certainty—a checklist that will make this heartbreak simple—you are not alone.

Tools like the dog quality of life scale and the HHHHHMM scale can help you monitor your senior dog’s pain with gentle honesty. These resources don’t give easy answers, but they offer reassurance in tracking changes over weeks instead of moments.

It’s okay if you find yourself wishing for an unmistakable sign. The truth is that love rarely gives us black-and-white choices.

The “Maybe” Trap: How We Normalize Pain

It starts as a whisper. You notice your senior dog moving slower or skipping meals. You tell yourself, “He’s just old.” It becomes a gentle refrain to soothe the ache in your chest.

But I want you to pause with me for a moment and look at him with fresh eyes.

Age brings changes, yes—but pain isn’t something we should accept as inevitable. Too often, we fall into what I call the “Maybe” Trap:

  • Maybe he’s just tired.
  • Maybe it’s normal for his age.
  • Maybe tomorrow will be better.

The truth is, our dogs are masters of disguise—they don’t want to worry us. That’s why we need tools to help us step outside our hopeful “maybes” and really listen to what our dogs are telling us.

The Calendar Method: A Practical Tool

When you’re living with a senior dog, every day can feel like a question mark. The emotional rollercoaster is exhausting. That’s why I want to share a simple tool that has helped many families find clarity in the fog.

How it works: Each evening, take a quiet moment to reflect on your dog’s day.

  • 😊
    Good Day (Smiley Face): Did they seem comfortable? Did they eat? Did they wag their tail?
  • 😔
    Bad Day (Sad Face): Did pain seem to overshadow everything? Did they refuse a walk or hide?

It sounds small, but over time these faces become an honest record. It’s visual and immediate; you don’t have to remember yesterday through the haze of worry.

The Metric: If you notice three sad faces in a row—or if the frowns begin to outnumber the smiles—it is time to pause and talk with your vet.

The “Spark”: Defining a Bad Day

Let’s talk about what a “bad day” really means. It isn’t just whining. Often, it looks quieter:

  • Hiding under the bed instead of curling up at your feet.
  • Leaving food untouched no matter how tempting it smells.
  • Panting even when they’re resting (a common sign of hidden pain).
  • Not coming to greet you at the door.

This is where the HHHHHMM Scale helps. It stands for Hurt, Hunger, Hydration, Hygiene, Happiness, Mobility, and More Good Days Than Bad.

If the spark that once lit up their eyes is fading, it doesn’t mean you’ve failed them. It means you love them enough to notice.

The Final Kindness

If you’re reading this, your heart is already asking the hardest question. I want you to know that noticing these things isn’t failing your friend—it’s loving them fiercely.

There comes a moment when love asks for one last act of courage.

“Better a week too early than a day too late.”

This phrase is not meant as pressure. It’s a soft place for your aching heart to land. It means choosing their comfort over our longing. It means understanding that letting go is sometimes the greatest protection we can offer.

Be gentle with yourself. You are doing enough. You are loving enough.

If you are navigating this difficult time, please read our guide on Understanding Anticipatory Grief.